


Draco Malfoy and the Attempt to Pass as a Muggle

by hopelocklet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF Pansy, Double Dating, Drabble, Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson Friendship, Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World, Established Relationship, Fluff, Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 20:31:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11974482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelocklet/pseuds/hopelocklet
Summary: Draco and Harry have to pretend to be Muggles when they go on a double date with Pansy and her new Muggle girlfriend.





	Draco Malfoy and the Attempt to Pass as a Muggle

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really short, rushed Drabble, and I promise that there are better Drabbles on the way!

“Harry, I don’t think I can do this,” Draco confided in his boyfriend as he fiddled with his Muggle jacket and stared disapprovingly at his reflection in the mirror.

“You’ll be fine,” Harry assured him. He got up from their bed from which he had been amusedly watching Draco fuss about, and walked over to Draco. He placed his hands on Draco’s shoulders and massaged them soothingly. “If Pansy Parkinson can pass as a Muggle, so can you.”

Draco sighed at his reflection as he once again cursed the day Pansy decided to go on a date with a Muggle. Out of all the beautiful girls in the world, Pansy had to decide to fall head over heels for a Muggle, really? Draco felt like the universe was laughing at him. It was going to be torture to go on this double date and pretend to be a Muggle the whole night. 

“I really wish Pansy would just fess up and tell Jody she’s a witch already. It’s been months.” Draco leaned into Harry’s touch as he spoke. 

Harry frowned. “It must be hard to know when it’s the right time to tell someone that you belong to a magical world. Pansy’s probably afraid that Jody will think she’s crazy.”

“Pansy  _ is  _ crazy,” Draco pointed out. 

Harry laughed, dropped his hands from Draco’s shoulders, and although Draco groaned in protest, he headed towards the door. “Ready to be a Muggle, love?”

Draco made a face, the kind of face Teddy made when Harry told him he had to eat broccoli. “I don’t wanna,” Draco whined. But Draco couldn’t help but go along when Harry made puppy dog eyes and held out his hand for Draco to take.

The restaurant Harry and Draco were supposed to meet Pansy and Jody at was on the other side of London, so the couple had to take a cab. Draco cringed as soon as he entered the vehicle, and he opted to sit on Harry’s lap so as to avoid touching the ‘squalid and ratty’ seating of the cab. Harry was, of course, much happy to oblige, and he found himself smiling when Draco held onto him like he was a life preserver everytime the car made a sharp turn.

“ _ This  _ where we’re eating?” Draco asked reproachfully when they reached their destination. 

The restaurant Pansy and Jody had chosen was a nice-looking pub in Greenwich. To Harry, it seemed fancy, at least for a pub. It was certainly nicer than the Leaky Cauldron. 

“What’s wrong? It seems like a lovely place,” Harry said.

“Well, the tables for outdoor seating are much too close together, and those hanging baskets of flowers were obviously poorly made. The colors clash and- and-”

“Draco, stop looking for reasons to hate this place. Try to have a good time. Pansy’s your best friend and Jody, however Muggle she may be, makes Pansy happy. If you want Pansy to be happy, then you’ll stop complaining and put on a brave face.” Harry’s expression lit up the moment Draco rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Fine. I will. But just because I’m putting on a brave face or whatever, it doesn’t mean your Gryffindor is rubbing off on me. I’m still Slytherin to the core,” Draco said stubbornly.

Harry smirked. “I think this Gryffindor would very much like to rub against your Slytherin core.”

Draco instantly shoved Harry away, even as he laughed. “Stop trying to make everything dirty. Honestly, you’re insatiable.”

Harry grinned and leaned in to kiss Draco’s cheek. “Admit it, you love it.”

Draco gasped, as if Harry had said a most scandalous thing. “I will do no such thing in a public place like this.” Draco paused and smirked. “But I’ll tell you later tonight how much I love your insatiability.”

Harry smiled contentedly and was about to pull Draco into a kiss when they were interrupted by a voice, “Oi, lovebirds! Save it for later, yeah?”

The two men turned to find Pansy hand in hand with a tall brunette, presumably Jody. Pansy was the one who had called out to them, and she was currently watching Draco and Harry reluctantly pull apart with an amused grin.

“It’s so good to see you again, Draco. Oh, and you too, Harry,” Pansy said to the couple once she and Jody had reached them. Harry rolled his eyes at Pansy’s offhanded way of greeting him. Pansy hugged Draco, and after doing so she formally introduced the wizards to Jody. “Draco, Harry, this is Jody. My amazing, brilliant, talented girlfriend. Jody, this is Draco. My amazing, brilliant, talented best friend. And the one with the glasses is Harry. He’s just Draco’s boyfriend.”

“Hey!” Draco protested. “He’s not just my boyfriend, he’s also my chef.”

Jody and Pansy laughed while Harry said in a sarcastically saccharine tone, “Aw, thanks, babe.” Draco nodded like he had done Harry a great favor, and Harry pinched his arm in retaliation. This quickly turned into a war of elbowing, shoving, and pinching.

“I told you they were like this,” Pansy said to Jody with a sigh and Jody laughed. 

“I think they’re great,” Jody said.

At last, Harry had resolved his and Draco’s petty fight by grabbing the blond by the shoulders and planting a kiss on him.

“Oh, boy,” Pansy said. She seemed to know exactly what would happen if she didn’t interrupt. “No snogging. It will make me lose my appetite, and that’s something I really don’t want to do, considering how good the food is here.”

Draco pushed Harry away from himself, having the decency to look ashamed. “Sorry, Pans. It’s nice to meet you, Jody,” he said, holding out his hand for Jody to shake. Harry did the same, and once Pansy had seen that everyone was all acquainted, she announced:

“We’re going inside now, and you two,” Pansy paused and narrowed her eyes at Harry and Draco. “Are not going to embarrass me anymore.”

Honestly, Pansy was quite frightening in that moment, but Jody was looking at her with adoring brown eyes. The two girls really did make a perfect match.

Once the two couples had gone into the pub and been seated, Draco took a deep breath. This is the real test, Draco thought. Time to be a muggle.

“So, Draco, Pansy tells me that you’re a forensic scientist. That must be interesting,” Jody said. It was clear in her voice that she was hoping to start up a conversation. Draco’s eyes widened and he frantically looked at Pansy. Pansy realized that Draco must have no idea what a forensic scientist was and she piped up.

“Yes, Draco! You were just telling me the other day how much you love analyzing evidence to help solve crimes.” Pansy grinned encouragingly at Draco. She felt slightly guilty for not warning Draco about the career she’d told Jody he had, but she hoped Draco could come up with something to say. After all, a forensic scientist was basically the Muggle equivalent of an Unspeakable, wasn’t it?

“Uh, yes,” Draco said. “I love analyzing evidence. I’ve always had a knack for solving puzzles, so it was only natural for me to become a fortensic scientisk.” Pansy winced at Draco’s mispronunciation, and Jody furrowed her brow.

Draco was looking panicked and rather queasy, so Harry spoke up instead, “Draco’s really great at his job. He got a promotion just last month, isn’t that right, babe?”

Draco sighed in relief and nodded. “Yes. I thought for sure that Harry’s friend, Hermione, would get the promotion, but then she quit to work on S.P.E.W. full time.”

“S.P.E.W.? What’s that?” Jody asked.

“Oh, it’s Hermione’s non-profit organization,” Harry answered.

“That’s amazing. Did she start it herself?” Jody said.

“Yes,” Pansy said with an eyeroll. “That’s Granger for you, ever the overachiever.”

Jody elbowed Pansy good naturedly and said, “Be nice. She’s Harry’s friend.”

“You’re never going to get Pansy to be nice about Hermione,” Harry informed her. “They had somewhat of a rivalry back in school and neither of them quite got over it.”

Pansy snorted. “Well, we all can’t be freaks like you and Draco and fall in love with our childhood enemies.”

Jody’s eyes suddenly brightened and she nodded excitedly. “Oh, that’s right! Pansy told me that you two hated each other when you were younger! How exactly did you end up together after that?”

“First of all,” Harry said. “Draco was never my enemy.”

“Bollocks,” Draco interrupted. “You would’ve hexed my head off if not for your fear of being chastised by McGonagall.”

“Hexed?” Jody questioned. She laughed. “Is that slang for something?”

Pansy glared at a distressed Draco, and put her hand on Jody’s thigh as she laughed along and explained, “Yeah. It’s really stupid, but at our old school we would call getting beat up getting ‘hexed’. It all started with this scary, witch-obsessed girl that attacked a teacher when we were, like, twelve.”  

“Wow,” Jody said. “That’s insane.”

“I know, right?”

Just then, a waiter disrupted the conversation to take each person’s order. When it was Draco’s turn to order, he just asked for the most expensive thing on the menu. After all, Pansy said she would pay for everyone.

“Really, Draco?” Pansy admonished Draco once the waiter walked away. 

“Don’t act as if you don’t do the same thing when I offer to pay for your meal.”

Pansy frowned, but she conceded, “Fair enough.”

“Why don’t we get back to hearing about how Harry and Draco got together,” Jody suggested.

“After the wa- I mean, after school, we didn’t hate each other anymore, but we weren’t friends either,” Harry began.

“Why didn’t you hate each other anymore?” Jody asked.

Harry and Draco exchanged a look. They couldn’t tell Jody that they’d saved each other’s lives, so how else would they explain?

“They hooked up,” Pansy chimed in after a too-long silence. “They hooked up at a graduation party and it changed everything.” Draco scowled at Pansy. He didn’t want Jody to think he was a sleaze. 

“That’s right,” Harry said. He caught Draco’s hand before the blond could pinch him. “I didn’t know how to act around Draco once school was over. But then I became a cop and Draco became a forensic scientist, and our work forced us to interact. After a few months of working with him on a particularly difficult case, I realized that I was developing feeling for the git. I mean, how could I not after listening to him complain about my coffee-making skills, and hearing him wax poetic about his hair products, and watching him work on his potio- science, and seeing him smile everyday?” Draco was suddenly smiling at Harry. He intertwined his fingers with Harry’s as Harry smiled back.

“Ugh,” Pansy said. “You two are utterly adorable. It’s nauseating.” Jody laughed and reached for her girlfriend’s hand.

“We’ve been known to be nauseating as well,” she reminded Pansy.

“So we have,” Pansy agreed with a giggle.

“So, Draco, why don’t you tell Jody about how I confessed my love for you,” Harry said. He grinned when Draco rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

“That. Was. The. Most. Idiotic. Moment. Of. Your. Life,” Draco said forcefully. Jody raised her eyebrows questioningly, and Draco elaborated, “Harry and I were in my lab. We had stayed late because we were so close to cracking the case. And then out of nowhere the door to the lab was broken down by a crazy guy. The crazy guy started rambling about all this random stuff, voices in his head and such, and then he said something about the victim in the case we were working on. He confessed to killing her, but then he pulled out a-”

“Gun,” Pansy said before Draco could say wand.

Draco hesitated as he tried to remember what a gun was, and when he figured it out he continued, “He pulled out a gun and shot at Harry and I. Harry immediately jumped in front of me and shot back with his own gun. A lot was happening, and I was so sure that one of them was about to die, but that’s when Harry pulled me down to the floor, told me ‘I love you and I need you to know that in case I die’ , and proceeded to go back to duelling that murderer like some sort of martyr.”

“That’s insane,” Jody said. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I’m serious. Anyways, what Harry had forgotten was that I had my own gun, and while Harry was distracting him, I shot the crazy guy. Crazy guy is now in jail, and Harry and I are now happily dating.”

It was at that moment that the food arrived. Draco winked at Pansy as the waiter placed his steak in front of him and Pansy flipped him off in response. 

“This looks great,” Harry said, gazing longingly at his fish and chips. He promptly let go of Draco’s hand in order to dig in. Draco frowned at Harry for a second, but then he remembered how hungry he was too, and set to work eating his steak.

The conversation was mostly halted as the four were busy eating, and the discussion that did happen was more often than not about how good the food was.

After dinner, Pansy invited Draco and Harry to go back to her flat with her and Jody to drink and watch the telly. Draco and Harry said yes, partly because it was the polite thing to do, partly because Draco would much rather walk to Pansy’s flat and floo home than take a cab home.

That was how they ended up walking down a London sidewalk, hand in hand, a few steps behind Pansy and Jody late at night.

“That was sweet. The thing you said about how you fell in love with me,” Draco told Harry.

“Usually you would call me sappy for talking about how much I love you,” Harry noted.

Draco smiled. “Not right now. Right now I am implicitly happy.” But Draco’s implicit happiness wouldn’t last long.

“Look at that, Bill. Those ugly faggots are taking up the sidewalk,” sounded a voice from behind Draco and Harry. 

“These gays are everywhere. Think they fucking own the place,” came the slurred response.

Harry pulled Draco closer to him, feeling like he had to protect him from the big bad Muggle world.

“We oughta teach them fags a lesson,” the voice said, now angry. 

Harry released Draco and whipped around, ready to punch the drunk right in the face, but when he turned around he found that the two drunk men were already knocked out on the cement. He was confused, but then he turned back to see Pansy standing with her arm outstretched and her wand drawn in the position to cast Stupefy. Draco said, “Pansy,” and Pansy seemed to come out of a daze. She quickly lowered her wand. No Muggles had been around to see, but it was safer to put her wand away just in case. But then Pansy realized that there had in fact been one Muggle who saw her cast the spell.

Jody was looking back and forth between Pansy and the drunks with wide eyes. She was scared, but not scared enough to run.

“Jody, there’s something I have to tell you,” Pansy said gently. “I’m a witch.”

Jody fainted.

There was a moment when no one said a word, then Draco broke the silence with, “And you were afraid  _ I  _ was going to spill the beans.”


End file.
